Man, it's almost been a month since I last posted in this thing. I guess xanga's overrated and I've been only checking my myspace. Plus no one ever looks at this thing, or comments. It's kinda sad guys. So really not so much is new. Of course things aren't like they were a month ago, they're better, but nothing you need nor care to know about. But yeah so lifes been great, church has been amazing, and things all in all are really good. I'm excited because in the summer our church is going to go on a missions trip to New York City, yeah I'm going to work my butt off so I can go. Yeah well I'm already getting bored with this thing so I'm going to go. I'll post later. Ha, probably much later.

not too much new here. me and josh broke up awhile ago. church is good. school is fun. friends are the same. alright ill update once i have more to say.

im so happy, this is perfect

i lied, you're not perfect, i'm not perfect, but we're perfect.

Man guys. Wow. Today I got back from Blizzard and it was the most amazing I've felt in a long time. I just realized finally that God wants me somewhere, doing something and that I can't just be turning away from it and running as hard as I can. Well on Thursday we got there and Loren, Deanita, Lauren Combs and I all went out to eat at Fuddruckers. Ha that was a blast. The employees I guess you could say are very gracious and giving. Ha we got cookies with our meal and I asked the guy if I could put whip cream on it and yeah he did. It was fun. Then we were in the back booth and Loren and me started dancing to the oldies music and we turn around and they're all staring at us and this guy, Alejandro or whatever, started dancing. It was so funny. When we were about ready to leave he was like "Are you coming back?" and so we said we were. Then we went swimming, blah blah blah. Then we went to the service and yeah it was really inspirational. They had a human video about cutters, addicts, and a bulimic girl, it was really good. I felt like God was directing me into a certain direction but I'm really afraid to take it because that means I need to change some things in my life and some people. Then we went to Magic Mountain, that was so sweet. Loren, Deanita and me broke into the playplace. That was crazy but mad fun. Then on Friday we went to a service in the morning then to the mall and I got to see my best friend Nikki it was the best. I haven't seen her since September, it was so fun. I had a great time. After that we went to Fuddruckers again and got even more whip cream and we saw a new guy there, Casey. Yeah we definetly got him in trouble. Okay well blah. Okay finally at night after the service Loren, Jacob, Jeffery, Anthony, and I all went to BW3's and that was fun. Ha Pastor Matt made Jacob and Jeffery walk us home cause it was like 12:30 at night. Then we all hung out and they played their guitars and yeah we went to bed. Now I'm home and everyone is so happy. The only thing that was bad about this trip is I had to leave Megan and Sam and I didn't talk to Josh once. But I am really happy, and my feelings about things are really starting to change. Okay well I'm gonna go before Megan busts a cap. Alright bye guys. Vinny && Suzie are the best, well worst, kids in the world. Yeah we are.

--Bethany

kay so this week has definetly not been the best. i spent the night at megans on tuesday && wednesday that was cool. church really hit me hard wednesday they were talking about sin and stuff and a few people were crying, i know how they feel. then people kept telling me things about josh that i didnt want to hear. and im trying to move on the best that i can and hearing people talk about him and saying those things kills me so yeah that was kinda crappy. then last night i got really sick and was throwing up (sorry, i know its disgusting) and all day ive been sleeping in my classes. it sucks. but then i found out lorens going to blizzard so that made me really happy now i wont be the only cool one going. =] haha just kidding. but yeah next week we have OGT's and im gonna miss a couple of them. aww too bad. but yeah im gonna go lay down ill be updating a lot more lately now that i have sooo much time on my freaking hands. alright later.

bethany

man this is killing me.

3/11/06 - im so freaking pissed off right now. i was cleaning for freaking ever just so i can go to megans and then her mom said i couldnt. this grounded thing is so freaking frustrating. like its really helping me want to quit anything, it only makes me wanna do it. and now im thinking about all the crap going on and i just get so fucking mad. i want to change every fucking thing about me so im not the same and i want to forget about josh and just move on to someone fucking new but i cant and i want to go back to california and still not runaway from my problems and i just want to change my life. and i want to tell everyone what im really fucking thinking about them and tell them what is going on but im not pathetic and i dont know what to do like i cant talk to anybody about this  and have them really understand i just am freaking out and dont know what to do.i just want to pray everything will be okay but it feels like i made it this way so i gotta fix it. maybe i really do just go to church to socialize, maybe it really doesnt click in with me and i really dont listen. what the hell this is so frustrating. im gonna go before i say anymore stupid shit.

kay so im basically grounded for a really long time that most people know about because of what happened at coasters and i really dont know what is going to happen. and since i cant call nobody im gonna lay it all out. my dads talking about sending me away "to get some help" and i doubt it seriously. im not allowed to go anywhere anymore, im stuck in my house. so to everyone that was up there tonight im sorry about whatever i did, dont be worrying though nothing bad is going to happen to you. i only get to see you guys at school though, if i dont get sent away, and if you dont go to my school then im sorry, i wont be seeing you for a long time. also i no longer get to get my liscense, yeah thats been provoked and i lost all trust that ive gained with my dad. on the upside of things, it was fun while it lasted, to those few that know who im talking about and ill miss the good times =] but yeah i dont even know if im allowed to go to church anymore, probably. but yeah my dad wants me to talk to the pastor and his wife, how about not, im just gonna chill, not ask for anymore help, im kinda upset. but yeah im gonna go, ill  try and update later if im allowed on the computer. i love you all and i hope i get to see you guys  soon. man im stupid. peace

p.s. dont call my cell, its gone. so yeah this is basically sweet. =[

3/5/06 - okay so ive been thinking some lately and i think i like somebody. i dont really wanna say who just quite yet just incase but i think i messed things up and i kinda pulled away a little bit. i dont know some of you might know who im talking about but yeah i could use the help. but yeah i go to megans tuesday & wednesday night, that should be fun. i went through like 10 lollipops today and went to megans, its basically the only place i can go now. woopdedoo. no actually its fun, i like it. =] alright well im gonna get off here and continue watching my movie. some big changes lately.